RANDOM Thoughts

I've been in Togo for almost a year now and I still can't get the seasons correct.  Depending on who you ask it's rain season, dry season, hot season...etc.  All I know is that since I landed in Togo last June I have been sweating continuously.  I literally spend some days wrapped in a wet pagne (lapa/cloth) while sitting directly in front of my fan...still sweating....


Wow, I just realized I have one more year left.  It's true when volunteers describe your days as going slow but the months go by fast.  Honestly, I don't feel like I have accomplished much.  However, I am reassured by many that it is completely normal to still feel like a loser when you reach your one year mark....


I do have a few upcoming events/projects that I'm excited about.  Next week I start my vacation enterprise for girls in my village - teaching girls business skills and importance of savings so that they can make and save money to go to school.  I'm crossing my fingers hoping that everything works out well.  Also, I'm planning vacations: I'm planning on going to Spain (and maybe Paris *cross fingers*) for my birthday (woohoo!) and trying to figure out when I can visit Morocco and Liberia again...wish I had unlimited funds, but don't we all...


What I've always knew about myself:  I'm kind, giving, understanding and laid back.  I'm also short tempered, impatient, sarcastic and intolerant of bs.  What I've realized since being in Togo: When faced with intolerable heat, my negative characteristics completely take over.  On a daily basis so many people try to take advantage of me or treat me like a child (well...I do sort of speak french like a 4 year old) that I started building this armor over myself.  I actually slammed the door in the electricians face the other way when he tried to take advantage of me.  I know that wasn't the right thing to do but I'll be lying if I said it didn't feel good.  *sign*  I guess I need to start thinking about that saying "what would Jesus do?"....


I never been really religious.  I can't quote you any Bible verses, I don't speak in tongues, nor am I a great prayer (whatever that means).  However, I feel like I'm becoming more religious here.  I tend to read my Bible more (However, not everyday.  Sorry Mom).  I also been having  a lot of conversations about faith with locals.  I don't understand how you can say you're a strong believer in God and constantly be fearful of black magic/voodoo.  But anyway, another day, another topic....


Oh and before I finish my random thoughts...I still miss my family and friends SOOOO much.  It's ridiculous.  I wan't planning a trip back to the US but I may have to reconsider...


Till next time...xoxo

Up Close and Personal...

Things are looking up!  I haven't been writing much because...well...my situation had been pretty bleak and I didn't want to come off sounding miserable.  However, that's exactly how I felt.  I had written a journal entry about a month ago with the intention of posting it, but it was pretty harsh, so I decided against it.  Just to give you a little idea, I was doing a lot of reflecting.  I was thinking, I'm 28 years old and decided to join Peace Corps.  I left a decent paying job, my friends who are all seeming to be getting married and/or having babies, family, my ailing grandmother who unfortunately has Alzheimer's...what was I thinking?  A year ago I would've said I was searching for a job that makes me happy.  You know, as the old Confucian epigram advises: choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.  Who doesn't want that?  Well, after being seriously harassed by someone I trusted and having to change villages, moving into a seriously unfinished house with rodent roommates, my french STILL sucking, no potential work or reliable work partners and just seriously being homesick, I was wondering what the hell did I get myself into...this apparently wasn't the "job I love".  Maybe I should be back in Maryland, working a 9 to 5 and settling down and starting a family.  According to Togolese, I AM getting old and need to hurry and find a man before no one wants me *sign*. I was a bit frustrated as you can see ;-).
Today, however I feel much better and my outlook has changed.  I have 3 projects I'm currently working on and ideas for future projects.  I'm currently planning a vacation enterprise which is almost like a girls summer camp where I teach them business skills and help them make money during their summer vacation so that they can pay for school.  Also, since I live in a tourist town/village, I'm also creating a website that showcase Agbodrafo's culture, beaches, hotels, etc.  The 3rd project, I can't take credit for.  I'm helping a Togolese counterpart with a school project.  Will all these projects be successful?  Probably not.  The point is, I'm headed in the right direction and I'm happy about that.  When it comes to development work, I've realized that things move SLOW and success can be hard to measure.  You really have to find that happiness from within.  Or as Blandine (our training manager) puts it, "happiness is in the heart". 
Besides my projects, my house is FINALLY looking decent, lol.  I've painted, placed a lock on my screen door, bought a fridge (pricey but sooo worth it), put in a window and placed bigger light fixtures in my living room and bedroom.  It made a world of difference.  Also, and most importantly, the friends I've made in Togo have been a Godsend, both Togolese and American. I can't even put into words how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life.  Anyway, I'm excited for the future, whatever that may be.  Till next time...
xoxo

My living room "before"

Veronica & Lucian (Fun Fact: this used to be Lucian's house)

 "after" pic of my living rm

another "after" pic of my living rm

sweet ol' LIBERIA

Okay, the holidays have come and gone and it was WONDERFUL!  After 25 years, I finally visited the place of my origin, Liberia.  I stayed for two weeks in Caldwell, a suburb of Monrovia, with my uncle.  It was nostalgic to see where I spent the first 3 years of my life, visiting Cooper’s Clinic (where I was born, now it’s a seven day adventist hospital), Issac  A David School in Paynesville (where I went to school for a brief period),  the houses where my mother grew up in and many, many more.   I met family members and friends whom I heard so much about.  They were continuously reciting stories of my childhood to me.  I was a bit astonished at how well they remembered me and at the same time a bit skeptical about some of the stories I heard.  I wasn’t THAT troublesome, I’m sure. 

So, I already said it’s been 25 years since I last been to Liberia.  So, I sort of felt like a tourist.  And what do you do as a tourist, you go sightseeing.  I saw the Executive Mansion (where the president worked), the Judicial building, the University of Liberia.  We drove to Kakata where I got to finally taste Palm wine.  People told me to let it sit for a while next time so it taste sour/stronger.  Prochaine frois.  I can’t wait to try cane juice next.  Anyway, I also went to Robertsport to this restaurant on the beach and drank Savannah Dry and had some young boy ripe me off for a coconut.  I drove through the Firestone Plantation (and by “I”, I mean my uncle’s driver).  I can’t tell you how good it felt to not have to argue prices with taxis like I do in Togo.  Anyway, to get back on topic, the Firestone Plantation is HUGE.  It’s like its own little world over there.  They have their own schools, hospital, grocery stores and so on. 

Since this post is like two months late, my memory is a bit foggy.  But I will say this, when people ask me the difference between Togo and Liberia, there’s not much in terms of infrastructure.  Unfortunately, both countries lack what most of us take for granted: clean water, electricity, good roads, waste management and so forth.  However, Liberia is a country determined to get back on its feet.  And I admire the fact that people aren’t necessarily waiting for handouts but are being proactive in bettering their country.  I was impressed by the amount of Liberian owned businesses as well as how many Liberian Americans that are coming back home.  I mean, I felt proud to be born in Liberia.  It was awesome. 

So this trip has made me want to alter my future plans.  Initially, I wanted to move back to Liberia when I retired..so a good 37/38 years from now.  Now, I’m thinking a lot sooner…like maybe 5 years or less.  I have no idea how this is going to work or what the hell I’m going to do career wise.  But I’m determined to figure this out.  Anyway, I need to focus on the now.  I still have much work to do in Togo but that’s another post.

Yeah I know this is several months late but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year J

xoxo